Bye bye lovelies

Time to say goodbye lovely bloggers, I just don't seem to have any blogger in me any more! I will leave this up for a while and anyone looking for me can find me on facebook.
Love and hugs beautiful people
xoxoxox

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

All over the place

Life is interesting right now.

It is joyous and wonderful but it has it's moments too, like right now. I guess life wasn't meant to be perfect huh?

For the good....... I'm feeling really well! :O) my anxiety had crept up again for a while and it was making me feel really bleugh! I don't think I was looking after myself very well. You know how life has a way of cascading into mess when one aspect gets out of balance? That's very true for me. I start getting anxious, I start losing sleep, I get really tired and lose motivation so I get behind on my projects, I can't be bothered cooking so I eat quick, stodgy stuff, I gain weight, I feel unwell.

I started doing CBT again for my anxiety, started looking into wholistic, natural remedies. I kept reading sleep was a big factor. Well der, easier said than done!

So I started reading about sleep and it says exercise is a big factor. Well der,but! But what? I must have selective hearing because I consistently choose to ignore advice that will make me feel well. I don't really like exercise. No surprises there. I go through occasional spurts where I will try and do more but in essence I really am a lazy bum.

One thing that puts me off is my anxiety. I am very uncomfortable with the physical symptoms associated with exercise. It's something I've really struggled with. Luckily though I was at the point with my anxiety where it was either make some change-or head to the dr for meds. I was exhausted with "trying" all of the time. I just needed a hand.

So I dusted off the old treadmill and with much trepidation made a commitment to wellness and added some exercise into my day. I chose the treadmill because i wanted something i could do inside in front of the tv. I figured being distracted would help me avoid focusing on my heart rate or that breathless sweaty feeling.

I made a promise to do 20 minutes. Didn't have to be fast, didn't have to be longer, just 20 minutes most days.Didn't even have to be in one block. I just wanted 20 minutes all up and it seemed like an achievable goal, one that I could manage almost every day forever.

So that's what I've been doing. For the first time ever it worked. Maybe it's a placebo thing, maybe it's psychological I don't know and I don't even care. all I know is I feel better than I have in ages. I feel alert (even when I am sleep deprived), i have energy and I feel much calmer.

The first week was a struggle, I resented every second but I stuck it out and now I almost look forward to it. Not because I like being hot and sweaty-because I don't-but because I don't want this happy, energetic ,well feeling to slip away. It's fantastic!

So yay for my nightly strolls. I'm no olympian but I'm off my bum and it feels good.

So with the increased motivation my studies have been going really well. GPA 7 last semester so woo-hoo!

anyways that's the good.

As for the bad well i'm pre-menstrual so I guess that explains most of it. It's our second month "trying" for a bub and no luck again. I feel so silly because it's really not very long and we really haven't "tried" that hard lol. But it just seems as though everyone around us is getting pregnant or having babies and I just have this irrational feeling that it might never happen. It's silly right? I shouldn't worry.

For those about to say just relax etc, that's sort of what we were doing for the last 12months. We weren't "trying" but we weren't using any contraception either and I was just using the rhythm method to avoid intercourse around ovulation. So I'm either really good at it or we are not that fertile????I thought we might have had an "oopsey" or something??? Could I be that good at it? I didn't think it was that reliable.

anyways so I've been feeling a little frustrated and sad. The gap between Grace and our next bub just gets bigger and I worry about that a little. Like I said I'm Pms'ing so I'm probably not thinking rationally about it.

so that's me for now

xoxoxo

Hallo!

I have been busy being un-busy! :O)

We are officially TTC as of October and I have just finished my first BFN cycle :O(
Of course I am a little sad but I could tell it was coming so I think I had some time to get used to the idea that it wasn't to be this cycle. I am just impatient to try again! ;)

On a bright note my cycle was a reasonable length this month, last time I had a 36 day cycle, it drove me half crazy. This time it was an even 30 and with clear ovulation signs as reinforced by positive OPKs & maybe baby. About a 12 day luteal phase as well which is ok.

So I'm just waiting it out really. This cycle I am going to try charting my BBT as well.

Tomorrow we go to mums for the weekend then on Monday i check into my favourite resort for a night away by myself. I am soooooo excited! I am going to have a shameless "Laguna Beach & The Hills" marathon. It's awful TV and I love it-so shoot me!

Hayd and Grace will join me sometime on Tuesday and we will spend a further couple of nights there together, probably just lazing about at the beach and in the beautiful pool they have there. Then we will come home where Hayd will have 4 more days at home before he goes back to work. I know Grace and I will be very sad to see him leave as we love having him here.

Uni starts back mid November and I am a twit who is doing summer semester again. Fingers crossed I cope better than last time.

Anyways that's me for now, hugs and kisses

Kate

Congratulations to beautiful Kate & Joseph and their two precious girls

on their special pink bundle-best wishes from sunny stralya

♥♥♥♥

xox

Shamelessly pinched!

EDIT: Yes Marshy-made my day! ;)

Marshy and the pregnant godess.....

Pregnant Godess-are you f-ing kidding me????? Every time I read idiotic comments after people's IE posts I want to screech at each and every one of them. Especially yours, cause I know how frustrated you get, and Tato's grrrrrrr. Every single time! Morons!

Marshy- :( I wasn't so bothered by that one, but methinks it's just because I have heard that many ridiculous comments today that that one seems more tolerable. It seemed more of a dig at starbucks and their over indulgent use of the whipped cream/sugar combo than overweight people.

But i get what you are saying. Obesity is a complex issue and simplifying it in that way is both stupid and pointless. Not too mention the implication that all fatties do nothing but drink maxi cups of starbucks all day-but that might just be my jaded slant on it because today I feel fucking tired and fed up.

(((shakes head)))

People shit me to tears! seriously, I'm so sick of being surrounded my moronic women.

Sorry, i'm feeling frustrated. I'm so tired of hearing about size and weight and the evils of this that and eveything else. It's fucked up. It really is and the irony is that it is swallowed up like chocolate. Chocolate covered bullshit.

That is all.

Isis

http://www.isis.org.au/main.html

I'm not sure if I compile these links for you or for me,or for both.

I just like having a place to hoard all the great, interesting resources I find.

xoxo

*Edit....I just love the art work on this site,it's fantastic!

B.E.D, One man's story

I think this blog has a real feminine feel to it. That's just me, I'm a girly girl. I haven't failed to realise though that ED's affect many, many men-it's just easier for me to talk about the issues from a female perspective,because I am one (well , der!!!).

So just for a change, here's a story from a man's perspective.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/health/binge-eating.html

Lazy Lisa Links (yet again!)

http://www.apa.org/monitor/mar02/binge.html

Also quite interesting!

Gotta love google books!

This is interesting! http://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&id=YxlqtRl9FiIC&dq=binge+eating+disorder&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=uIhvBu2PNz&sig=XFQoSuvIys8jLdK4yMeIyG1e7Co&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=6&ct=result#PPA3,M1

I haven't had a chance to read it through entirely yet but I thought that I would share it while I have it open, because it is likely to disappear into the abyss that is my inbox otherwise.

Let's read and chat later! ;)

xoxo

change?

We have been thinking about a move recently. Away from the coast and further inland where living is much cheaper. We have lived in this house for quite a long time now and half of me loves my little beach shack-ocean views, sea breezes, large yard, quirky vintage 'feel'.

But the other half of me sees the big for sale sign out the front and knows that our time here is limited anyway. And watches the rents around here on even the oldest of houses like ours skyrocketing. Our family is growing and we need more space and the "oldness" of this house feels like a worry to me with bubbas on the cards.

But the thought of leaving the beach makes my heart ache a little. Living by the ocean is good for the soul and I would love for our children to grow up here. But I'm not sure if I can trade a new, spacious, safe home with functional living spaces for the ocean-and that's not even including how much it is going to cost us to continue living here.

We are on the one income right now and probably will be for the forseeable future. I want to be home with my children and darn it I want to finish my degree and see it through. I owe it tomyself and I think I owe it to my family who in a way have probably missed out on a few things because of my choice to stay home and study-then again they have probably gained too from having me here. I don't know, my thinking goes round and round in circles.

What do you guys think? If we move we will live in a much more practical house that fits comfortably within our budget-but we will miss out on the joys of living by the coast. If we stay we are probably going tohave to live somewhere smaller (which we really can't do) or much crappier (which is not really what I want for my family). And if we stay our budget continues to be stretched whilst our options become more limited. But do you think the "lifestyle" is worth it?

If we move, we retain some leeway in our budget which allows for more savings and security plus the potential to have our own home sooner. But the ocean.........how I love the ocean-it's kind of like leaving a piece of my heart behind.It feels so right living here.


eeeeeeeekkkk!

your thoughts?

xoxo

Alive!

I'm still here. Not really going anywhere either just having some quiet time. Have been doing a lot of inner reflection lately. I feel quite old-not "old" but old enough to know better. Old enough to let things go and old enough where I want to decide what it is I really want out of life-what is important to me, what makes me who I am.

Lately I have been feeling like I spent a good part of my twenties feeling kinda lost. I suppose that is probably fairly normal-a sort of quarter life crisis if you will. All sounds pretty self indulgent actually.

I think when I moved from my tiny little town I grew up in to Brisbane I had the desire to leave a lot of unhealthy stuff behind. To sort of start fresh. But I think in the process I lost some of the good stuff too. I was thinking the other day about life before anxiety attacks. My whole view of the world was completely different.

I want some of my calm, easy going self back. I want to let go of control a little and just live my life-let it wash over me as it will. I sometimes feel like I am always trying toget one step ahead of
myself.

When I think about the kind of person I would like to be, my mind always drifts to those calm, wholesome looking people I see making their way about the world.

I want simplicity. I want quiet. I want music in my life again. I want vegetarian meals that make me feel like I am loving my body from the inside out. When I was younger I used to love going to my vegetarian friend's houses for meals. It just felt right.

I want to stop worrying about how my hair looks when I go out. I'm sick of hearing people talk about their weight. I want beaded jewellery and essential oils and dreamy, floaty skirts that make me want to dance.

I want time with friends. I want to listen rather than waiting impatiently for my turn. I want conversation. I want hugs.

I want a peaceful home. I want not to get so frustrated with my family. I want to clean my house with a sense of purpose rather than a sense of resentment and frustration.

I want chicken soup for the soul. I want daily reminders to keep me going.

I want to do better.

I want not to want for so much :P

bleugh!

I couldn't feel much worse today-sleep deprived, horrid cold and pre-menstrual. ick.

We have all been sick this week and I am sooooooooooo over it! I have soldiered on fairly well over the week because Grace was quite sick with an ear infection + nasty cold so she needed me, and hayd has been whingeing my bloody earoff (such a pain in the ass when he is sick! an oversized baby! Today I seem to have hit the wall though and I just want to curl up and cry.sigh!

hope you are all happy and healthy
xoxo

Itchy

I'm so itching to get this baby-making business underway!!! It's really annoying me. After waiting so long a month feels unbearable! I am all set with OPK's and HPT's and fertility friend, I'm getting all technomologiacal :p

This week I have an assignment to do so you probably won't hear much out of me-but that's where I am at.

Sending love and hugs xoxoxo

Signed up and ready to.....well, you know! ;)

So we finally sorted out our private health insurance. Yay! We only have a 9 month wait on obstetrics with our fund so we are going to start trying next month......Yay!! *happy dance**

It's been such a long wait and I am very excited.

This is an article about the hospital we chose
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,21558594-5003426,00.html

This is the hospital

http://www.nambourselangor.com.au/maternity/introduction.asp

This is what made me insistent that we get private cover and have our baby at this hospital

We provide a comprehensive maternity care service catering for all types of birth. Uniquely, our experienced team of midwives, obstetricians, paediatricians and anesthetists work together to fully support women in their choice to enjoy water birth, natural twin birth and natural birth following one or more previous caesareans.

and this

This commitment to supporting women’s choice, and collaborative philosophy of care, has helped to establish Nambour Selangor Private Hospital’s position as a leader in the provision of maternity services at both a national and international level.

I had a horrible pregnancy and birth experience with Grace, it was truly awful and one of the main reasons preventing me from adding to our little family sooner. The idea of going through that again terrified me. Briefly:

* I was booked in to be induced without my knowledge or consent-I overheard a nurse talking about it and I was beside myself. I had to argue until they allowed me to give Grace some time to come out on her own schedule.

* I was admitted to hospital with pregnancy induced hypertension which was being controlled by medication-which they kept forgetting to give me.

* I was wheeled down for a scan and told to wait for someone to come and wheel me back (I was on bed rest and they wouldn't allow me to walk down by myself). I waited an hour and a half then ditched the chair and made my way back to my room in tears. They forgot to come and get me.

* I had an internal examination that was so painful that my crying for the nurse to stop made the woman next door come and comfort me-she said it sounded horrific. Despite my cries for her to stop she continued to push her hands further into my vagina.

* The night before I was induced my blood pressure rose. I was told by a nurse that they knew this would happen and that i should have been induced when I was told to and that now I was going to have to have an emergency c-section. My blood pressure normalised within the hour and I was induced as scheduled for my vaginal birth the next day.

* I was using heat packs on my back for pain relief which they took away and wouldn't give back.

* The hugs spa bath in the birth suite was empty and beckoning and yet we were not allowed to use it because apparently the nurses weren't "trained" for it-not even for water immersion for pain relief. This has been the case since the baths were put in and has remained that way for almost 10 years.To my knowledge they still sit empty while women labour away unable to use them.

* During labour I was told that if i wanted an epidural I had better have one now because the anesthesist would be unavailable later. Worried that i wouldn't be able to get one later if I needed one I consented-meaning I spent the rest of my labour flat on my back on the bed and told not to move-despite the fact that the epidural wasn't working and I could feel my contractions along with my legs.

* My child's head had multiple bleeding scratches when she was born from the monitor attached to her scalp during labour that she kept trying to get away from.

* My child was born not breathing and was thankfully resuscitated soon afterwards and spent time in both intensive and special care. During this time her condition was barely explained to us until we were told that we could take her home.

To this day i am still sketchy as to what actually happened and remember the Dr's "what's the big fuss about ? face as I sobbed uncontrollably when she told me that they were still observing her in case her little lungs weren't working properly. She looked uncomfortable and left the room. To an experienced dr this is probably all very matter of fact but to a new parent it is traumatic and terrifying!

Anyways I felt completely at the mercy of the public hospital system. There was absolutely no continuity of care and questions were discouraged. When I did dare to question the almighty Dr's I was met with a "you trouble maker" type of response. It was made quite obvious that i wasn't expected to question what was going on nor was I expected to pay attention-it would probably have been preferred if I didn't.

Whilst i am not naive enough to think you have any real control or idea what is going to happen with birth I do think that I should be able to have a more positive experience than the one I received. Infact I think I am entitled to it. I considered the option of home birth but to be honest with what happened with Grace I am happy that she was in the hands of her doctors-I only wish her dr's could have spent some time explaining to us what was going on and to help us through the process. Whilst it may have been business as usual for them it was our first precious child who was gravely ill-a bit of sensitivity wouldn't have gone astray.

I have heard nothing but positive experiences from parents and midwifes alike about Selangor and whilst we will be left out of pocket even with our private cover, I feel blessed to have the opportunity to birth there. The kind of service they offer should be available to all women and we shouldn't have to pay ridiculous amounts for it.

Seriously, it's the simple things

* I would like to see the same midwifes/obs throughout my pregnancy and birth wherever possible.If this is not possible I would appreciate my care providers to communicate with each other and offer consistent treatment.

* I would like all pain relief options available to me when and if I ask for it wherever medically possible. That means if I want an epidural I shouldn't be forced to choose one now or never-I want my options left open should I need them.I don't want my decisions to be clouded by whether Jo Bloggs needs to get to golf.

Furthermore I would like the option of wallowing in a great big warm bath should I want that and the option to birth my child into the water if my birth is safe and uncomplicated. I want my care providers to have faith in a woman's innate ability to birth her baby rather than see pregnancy and birth as a medical condition needing to be "fixed".

I just want choice and a voice.

yay for Selangor!!!

rant rant etc

Sorry-the memories are just a bit hard for me :O(

Photos-the lazy way!

Hello lovelies
http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=56929&l=b8f54&id=678892008

Sorry, I am very lazy. Last week was busy,busy,busy and this week I feel a bit sick and not really up for a big post-holiday blog. So I thought I'd share the photos anyway.

Hope everyone is well-we are still recovering from what has turned into a month long birthday bonanza-ugh! What is one to do with 25 uneaten banana cupcakes? (aside from the obvious). Best cupcakes ever by the way and I got the cream cheese frosting perfect. Yum yum yum!

xoxo

Home!

I'm home....sighs! With so much to do I haven't had the chance to blog or upload photos yet but I will get there eventually. Needless to say we had a fantastic time-it was a really special holiday and I wish it didn't have to end.

Anyways we will talk about all that later...for now I wanted to show you guys this

http://www.productville.co.nz/index.php?q=taxonomy_menu/3/6/36

I want one-actually to be honest I'm just about to order 5 (my bad) but can't work out how to take advantage of the free shipping. methinks I will get the pear, blue bubble, black peace, black hands, and the charcoal with the pink detail. I absolutely love a good tee and have very few right now so they will come in really handy for summer. yay!


go get yours before they run out!
xoxo

We leave tommorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay!

I'm not sure if i could be more excited. Quality time with Haydn and Grace is so precious to me I can't describe it. I love spending time together doing the things we love as a family-it's the best!!

Am also looking forward to a little luxury ;)
Our house is modest-to say the least. It's old with dodgy plumbing and windows that don't shut properly, no hallways, teeny tiny bathroom meant for single file only, awful kitchen with 1970's cupboards and no bench space........but it has character and ocean views and I do love it :O)

It's just nice every now and again to stay somwhere sparkly and new with modcons and little luxuries that make life easier.

I am still not packed. We realised that we don't have enough luggage for 8 days worth of stuff so we are waiting on my baby sis to lend us hers. Meanwhile I am making "piles" all over the house of the things we need to take. It has been a constant battle to keep Grace out of it and stop her adding to/taking from the pile.

Ok sharon, Kate- will buy a cake! I know it's silly but it's just one of those little things that are important to me as a mum. It was something that always made me feel nurtured as a child...picking out the cake from the woman's weekly cookbook and mum preparing it for me just like the picture. It made me feel very special and important on my big day and the whole process holds fond memories for me. But Grace is easily pleased and I have plenty more birthdays to bake for. We are having a little party in a couple of weeks time so I will probably bake something then ;)

We went and bought some gifts for her to open (toys to keep her ocupied while we are away) and I am really happy with what we chose. We bought lots of games and activities that we can do together as a family and lots of things that will get us outdoors and running about. We bought her a hula hoop which was a lovely bit of nostalgia. i almost bought two-one for me as well, but haydn wouldn't let me.lol.

It was lovely to talk to you on the phone the other day Kate. I'm so glad you liked your surprise-you are ever so gracious and it makes it even more worth while.

The weather is looking lovely-still darn windy though which makes me think we are going to freeze getting in and out of the pool. Hopefully we can make a mad dash to our lovely warm rooftop jacuzzi afterwards....bliss!

Hmmm I'm really just babbling here....I think I'm just trying to pass some time and avoid the packing nightmare that has taken over our house. Hopefully i will be back soon with many pictures and adventures to share

xoxoxoHave a great week everyone!xoxoxoxox