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Wednesday, November 26, 2008
All over the place
Life is interesting right now.
It is joyous and wonderful but it has it's moments too, like right now. I guess life wasn't meant to be perfect huh?
For the good....... I'm feeling really well! :O) my anxiety had crept up again for a while and it was making me feel really bleugh! I don't think I was looking after myself very well. You know how life has a way of cascading into mess when one aspect gets out of balance? That's very true for me. I start getting anxious, I start losing sleep, I get really tired and lose motivation so I get behind on my projects, I can't be bothered cooking so I eat quick, stodgy stuff, I gain weight, I feel unwell.
I started doing CBT again for my anxiety, started looking into wholistic, natural remedies. I kept reading sleep was a big factor. Well der, easier said than done!
So I started reading about sleep and it says exercise is a big factor. Well der,but! But what? I must have selective hearing because I consistently choose to ignore advice that will make me feel well. I don't really like exercise. No surprises there. I go through occasional spurts where I will try and do more but in essence I really am a lazy bum.
One thing that puts me off is my anxiety. I am very uncomfortable with the physical symptoms associated with exercise. It's something I've really struggled with. Luckily though I was at the point with my anxiety where it was either make some change-or head to the dr for meds. I was exhausted with "trying" all of the time. I just needed a hand.
So I dusted off the old treadmill and with much trepidation made a commitment to wellness and added some exercise into my day. I chose the treadmill because i wanted something i could do inside in front of the tv. I figured being distracted would help me avoid focusing on my heart rate or that breathless sweaty feeling.
I made a promise to do 20 minutes. Didn't have to be fast, didn't have to be longer, just 20 minutes most days.Didn't even have to be in one block. I just wanted 20 minutes all up and it seemed like an achievable goal, one that I could manage almost every day forever.
So that's what I've been doing. For the first time ever it worked. Maybe it's a placebo thing, maybe it's psychological I don't know and I don't even care. all I know is I feel better than I have in ages. I feel alert (even when I am sleep deprived), i have energy and I feel much calmer.
The first week was a struggle, I resented every second but I stuck it out and now I almost look forward to it. Not because I like being hot and sweaty-because I don't-but because I don't want this happy, energetic ,well feeling to slip away. It's fantastic!
So yay for my nightly strolls. I'm no olympian but I'm off my bum and it feels good.
So with the increased motivation my studies have been going really well. GPA 7 last semester so woo-hoo!
anyways that's the good.
As for the bad well i'm pre-menstrual so I guess that explains most of it. It's our second month "trying" for a bub and no luck again. I feel so silly because it's really not very long and we really haven't "tried" that hard lol. But it just seems as though everyone around us is getting pregnant or having babies and I just have this irrational feeling that it might never happen. It's silly right? I shouldn't worry.
For those about to say just relax etc, that's sort of what we were doing for the last 12months. We weren't "trying" but we weren't using any contraception either and I was just using the rhythm method to avoid intercourse around ovulation. So I'm either really good at it or we are not that fertile????I thought we might have had an "oopsey" or something??? Could I be that good at it? I didn't think it was that reliable.
anyways so I've been feeling a little frustrated and sad. The gap between Grace and our next bub just gets bigger and I worry about that a little. Like I said I'm Pms'ing so I'm probably not thinking rationally about it.
so that's me for now
xoxoxo
It is joyous and wonderful but it has it's moments too, like right now. I guess life wasn't meant to be perfect huh?
For the good....... I'm feeling really well! :O) my anxiety had crept up again for a while and it was making me feel really bleugh! I don't think I was looking after myself very well. You know how life has a way of cascading into mess when one aspect gets out of balance? That's very true for me. I start getting anxious, I start losing sleep, I get really tired and lose motivation so I get behind on my projects, I can't be bothered cooking so I eat quick, stodgy stuff, I gain weight, I feel unwell.
I started doing CBT again for my anxiety, started looking into wholistic, natural remedies. I kept reading sleep was a big factor. Well der, easier said than done!
So I started reading about sleep and it says exercise is a big factor. Well der,but! But what? I must have selective hearing because I consistently choose to ignore advice that will make me feel well. I don't really like exercise. No surprises there. I go through occasional spurts where I will try and do more but in essence I really am a lazy bum.
One thing that puts me off is my anxiety. I am very uncomfortable with the physical symptoms associated with exercise. It's something I've really struggled with. Luckily though I was at the point with my anxiety where it was either make some change-or head to the dr for meds. I was exhausted with "trying" all of the time. I just needed a hand.
So I dusted off the old treadmill and with much trepidation made a commitment to wellness and added some exercise into my day. I chose the treadmill because i wanted something i could do inside in front of the tv. I figured being distracted would help me avoid focusing on my heart rate or that breathless sweaty feeling.
I made a promise to do 20 minutes. Didn't have to be fast, didn't have to be longer, just 20 minutes most days.Didn't even have to be in one block. I just wanted 20 minutes all up and it seemed like an achievable goal, one that I could manage almost every day forever.
So that's what I've been doing. For the first time ever it worked. Maybe it's a placebo thing, maybe it's psychological I don't know and I don't even care. all I know is I feel better than I have in ages. I feel alert (even when I am sleep deprived), i have energy and I feel much calmer.
The first week was a struggle, I resented every second but I stuck it out and now I almost look forward to it. Not because I like being hot and sweaty-because I don't-but because I don't want this happy, energetic ,well feeling to slip away. It's fantastic!
So yay for my nightly strolls. I'm no olympian but I'm off my bum and it feels good.
So with the increased motivation my studies have been going really well. GPA 7 last semester so woo-hoo!
anyways that's the good.
As for the bad well i'm pre-menstrual so I guess that explains most of it. It's our second month "trying" for a bub and no luck again. I feel so silly because it's really not very long and we really haven't "tried" that hard lol. But it just seems as though everyone around us is getting pregnant or having babies and I just have this irrational feeling that it might never happen. It's silly right? I shouldn't worry.
For those about to say just relax etc, that's sort of what we were doing for the last 12months. We weren't "trying" but we weren't using any contraception either and I was just using the rhythm method to avoid intercourse around ovulation. So I'm either really good at it or we are not that fertile????I thought we might have had an "oopsey" or something??? Could I be that good at it? I didn't think it was that reliable.
anyways so I've been feeling a little frustrated and sad. The gap between Grace and our next bub just gets bigger and I worry about that a little. Like I said I'm Pms'ing so I'm probably not thinking rationally about it.
so that's me for now
xoxoxo
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