Alive!

I'm still here. Not really going anywhere either just having some quiet time. Have been doing a lot of inner reflection lately. I feel quite old-not "old" but old enough to know better. Old enough to let things go and old enough where I want to decide what it is I really want out of life-what is important to me, what makes me who I am.

Lately I have been feeling like I spent a good part of my twenties feeling kinda lost. I suppose that is probably fairly normal-a sort of quarter life crisis if you will. All sounds pretty self indulgent actually.

I think when I moved from my tiny little town I grew up in to Brisbane I had the desire to leave a lot of unhealthy stuff behind. To sort of start fresh. But I think in the process I lost some of the good stuff too. I was thinking the other day about life before anxiety attacks. My whole view of the world was completely different.

I want some of my calm, easy going self back. I want to let go of control a little and just live my life-let it wash over me as it will. I sometimes feel like I am always trying toget one step ahead of
myself.

When I think about the kind of person I would like to be, my mind always drifts to those calm, wholesome looking people I see making their way about the world.

I want simplicity. I want quiet. I want music in my life again. I want vegetarian meals that make me feel like I am loving my body from the inside out. When I was younger I used to love going to my vegetarian friend's houses for meals. It just felt right.

I want to stop worrying about how my hair looks when I go out. I'm sick of hearing people talk about their weight. I want beaded jewellery and essential oils and dreamy, floaty skirts that make me want to dance.

I want time with friends. I want to listen rather than waiting impatiently for my turn. I want conversation. I want hugs.

I want a peaceful home. I want not to get so frustrated with my family. I want to clean my house with a sense of purpose rather than a sense of resentment and frustration.

I want chicken soup for the soul. I want daily reminders to keep me going.

I want to do better.

I want not to want for so much :P